“If the shoe doesn’t fit, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your feet!”

What if dating is like being in a large shoe store?

You may have to try on a lot of shoes to find ones that fit, look right, match outfits, are comfortable, have the style you want, and are at the right price point.

Now when shoes don’t fit, you don’t usually decide there is something wrong with your feet!  You keep looking for more suitable shoes.

What if you could look at dating the same way? You ‘try on’ relationships, and if they don’t fit, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with You!!! It is just not the right relationship.

Sometimes we spend less time and thought choosing a relationship than choosing a pair of shoes, partly because we don’t want to ‘fail,’ be ‘rejected’ or be seen as indecisive. This same line of thinking can be used when you search for a job and do not get some of the positions applied for, or any request you make and are turned down. There is nothing wrong with you, it just isn’t the right fit.

What if we were to see choosing relationships as really important, not just something that happens, like the Prince stumbling on the comatose Princess. (To Walt Disney, someone can be seen as good relationship material, even if they are asleep at the time of meeting!) What if it takes time and conscious thought to make good relationship choices?

In her article ‘What I Learned from Dating 100 Men,’ (Oprah, Feb. 2003) writer Ann Marsh describes her self-appointed quest to date a hundred men, one of whom eventually becomes her husband. Reflecting on her experience, she noticed that after each of the first few dates she criticized herself to see where she had made mistakes, and not been liked by potential mates. In the next segment of her experience, she began to look at what she liked and disliked, and eventually she found someone where there was mutual appreciation.

It might take a lot of time to find ‘a hundred dates’ or a hundred pairs of shoes to try on, however maybe we can give ourselves permission to increase the sample size of relationships we ‘try on’ and not feel guilty or ‘unfit’ if they do not work out. We need to keep trying on shoes until we find the right pair, making sure not to feel ‘de-feeted’ in the process!!!

Happy Relationship Shopping!!!



‘I really enjoyed this piece! Your trademark blend of practicality, dry wit, and
encouragement shines through – and I’m sure many of your female readers will
appreciate the shopping metaphor!’

-Elizabeth Peirce


‘Just what I needed!  Thanks Faythe, you’re the best.’

-Diane Saulnier