The Myth of the People Pleasers!

Guess what, there are none!

There is a species of human who presents as ‘People Pleasers.’  They will tell you often that they really like to please others, that what they want doesn’t matter, they only care about you . . .  but this is not true!  The actual craving of these individuals is that you be pleased with them, all the time, unconditionally.

It’s ironic that people who see themselves as chained to pleasing others, actually don’t care that much about what others want, they really care about how they themselves feel based on how others treat them!  In fact they care so little about your wishes, that if they feel you aren’t happy with them they will avoid you as much as possible.  They don’t want to be held accountable,  so much so that they will be so hurt if you point out some mistake or error . . . if you don’t like what they have done . . . that you will strangely find yourself apologizing, comforting them (for how they have wronged you!)

We feel so guilty when we ‘upset’ one of these wonderful people who portray themselves as endlessly giving, yet somewhere we also feel annoyed.  In the deep subconscious somehow we know we are being had!

Sometimes to make sure you are pleased with them, they will quote you, copy you, compliment you ad nauseum, state the obvious, and not think for themselves in case something original is not what you want to hear.  No matter how often you ask what they think, want, know, they will not tell you in case their response does not get them the required nod of approval, smile of appreciation.  They leave you alone in the arena of shared thoughts, reciprocal conversation, the togetherness of looking at life from more than one point of view.  They abdicate their own uniqueness in favour of receiving a constant flow of your attention and pleased response.
It is a common myth that this species cares a lot about others, and not about themselves, but push the envelope a little, use a bit of logic on their behaviour and watch them run for the hills!

So ‘People Pleasing’ is just a severe form of ‘Self Protection!’

Who knew!!!

The above is an extreme description to open up a conversation, to suggest that freedom of speech is something we first need to give to ourselves.  This is to relieve us of the illusion that refusing to be ourselves is not a selfless act, but a place of depriving the world of the experience of who we are.